This week ECHG writer Adam Holtzapfel takes us back to 1997 for a look at the definition of a bad movie, Barn Of The Blood Llama.
by Adam Holtzapfel
What lasts 80 minutes, has a cameo by Clive Barker, worse than an Ed Wood film, and features some man on llama love? If you guessed Barn Of The Blood Llama you guessed correct.
Written by Kirk Hunter with director Kevin West (both also “act” in the film). Barn Of The Blood Llama follows the tale of Jug (West), his brother Gibby (Hunter) and their wool business.
The film scatters all over the place while jumping between color and black and white scenes. Jug & Gibby run the llama farm World Of Wool while allowing Dr. Albert to work on some special project. Bessie Sue, Dr. Albert’s llama lover gets struck by a car resulting in Toni having to spend time at the farm while her vehicle is fixed.
While on the farm Toni meets rockstar Bock who is there undergoing treatment along with Janet, Bea, and Tiffany who are all going to be in his comeback video.
Fans are treated to Gibby’s amazing eye patch!
Something terrible happens…Tiffany gets her period! This sends the llamas on a killer rage (you can’t make this shit up, menstruation not Dr. Albert having sex with the llamas sends them into a killer rage). This definitely falls into the see to believe it category.
If Ed Wood made 2000 Maniacs mixed with an Island Of Dr. Moreau where the Doc was into beastiality with no funding then you’d end up with Barn Of The Blood Llama.
I can’t really say there’s anything good about the film as it looks like it was dubbed in the same way 1983’s A Night To Dismember was, where you hear talking but the lips aren’t moving.
Pair this with 2000 Maniacs, Plan 9 From Outer Space, and A Night To Dismember for a night of outdated or bad movies.
Adopting the grade rating from Dead On Movie Reviews I’d have to give this an F. It’s one that I’ll watch from time to time just because of how fucking absurd it is, but I wouldn’t recommend watching it for fun.
